What you put your energy into affects you. Some speak of the “Law of Returns,” but it’s more complex than that, it doesn’t just return to you, because we are all related. What you give attention and energy to are adjacent to you and to your loved ones. Read that again.
Do I work baneful? Only when absolutely necessary. I will, only under circumstances where innocence is harmed, when life or liberty has been taken by force or through malevolence, when force needs be met with force. Not when I’m insulted, or when my feelings have been hurt, that’s a, “me problem”. I meter my reactions, so if you get through that wall to an old trauma or sore spot of mine, it’s on me. I need some time to examine my firewall to see how or why I was triggered by someone else’s opinion. To quote an author’s book title, “What you think of me is none of my business.” I endeavor to live that.
Triggers are never a reason to work baneful, justice is the only reason for it, justice stems from the light, from grace, from benevolence. We need to stop anthropomorphizing energy and nature, at optimum energy only seeks to flow, think of it as a current, flowing, progressing forward until met with resistance, then it seeks another path, not out of insult or ire, but of necessity, a body in motion stays in motion, water never stops moving, but it’s not seeking retribution by flowing over or around the rock, it is simply seeking a clear path. When a corporation dams up the water staunching the flow, it begins seeping, finding other pathways to the water table, other avenues of freedom, of flow. In the animal kingdom of which we are a part, animals don’t seek retribution, they seek resources, food, mates, safety. We as the human animal seek retribution for injured feelings, the animal kingdom fights for its young, for its territory, for its food. A lion knows it’s a lion, calling it a domestic house cat isn’t going to elicit an insult response, the lion isn’t going on social media to argue the differences between a house cat and a lion. Why are we doing it? However if you grab that lion’s cub and harm it, you will be dealing with the lion and most likely her pride.
This is where I too, take the path of baneful work. If I can’t put hands on you to protect my young, or my loved ones, then baneful it is. Some will perhaps say that should be left to the courts, but a little help along the right path is often warranted to keep the offender from furthering their assault on others and I have an overall lack of faith in the current justice system, so help I shall; a push here, a tap there, a few adjustments to a shove them in the correct direction. Again, these are the circumstances for which I will work baneful magic, I have a code, call me Dexter.
What I will not work baneful for and what I will not assist you in doing, is baneful because someone stole your boyfriend, girlfriend, insulted you, or your mother, cut you off in traffic, had the audacity to disagree with you, etc… Those offenses don’t warrant your attention and they certainly won’t move me to act in a way that puts myself and my loved ones in harm. An adept practitioner knows that people come into and exit your life as lessons, they’re not your possessions and you also bear some responsibility for choosing the people you allow into your circle. The question you should be asking yourself before reaching for the nails, pins, thread, cord, candles and herbs is, what was I trying to replace in my life that led me to choose someone that hurt me?
Often we’re trying to fill a hole from the past, maybe with a hole left by a past love, or a parental figure, with a person who reminds us of that relationship, so we latch on immediately when we’re reminded of the person, or the missed opportunity. Oftentimes we choose toxic relationships because at least they bring some sense of familiarity, something of the norm. It’s funny how we come to live in relative comfort in toxic situations/relationships because it’s easier than starting over, or fending for ourselves alone. So we sink into frustration, anger and despair which usually turns into assaults and aggressiveness against the very ones who are trying to help us and then it often devolves into cursing everyone around us for simply existing, if only in whispered ill wishes. Such is our envy that they seem happy and content with their lives while we struggle, that we find comfort in ugliness and jealousy. This is not the way, this is not the path, it’s human failing, human weaknesses of character that plague you, it’s not curses and hexes thrown at you from some unknown source, it’s your energy coming back to bite you. You are in your own way, and not standing in your own power.
We all know that person who is always negative, always contrary, throwing their weight around and trying to force relationships with us, they are the type of person who misreads courtesy and decency as intimacy and seizes upon their ill-perceived opening to force their own agendas and weasel their way into your circle… The type of person that cares not one whit what you have going on in your life, and when you try to tell them why you don’t have the bandwidth to deal with their never ending drama today, they immediately launch into comparisons of their life versus yours. This is the insecure, malignant behavior of someone who feels themself jilted. They never associate their own toxic behaviors with the reasons they often find themselves abandoned by friends and lovers. This is the type of person who is going to come to you looking for a spell to curse a lost lover or friend, walk that one off because the truckload of fertilizer that comes with assisting that person, is a bomb and you are the fuse.
One major thing I often see missed among new practitioners, is the understanding that relationships with the ancestors and the divine all around them is a necessary component of your daily practice, it is that which balances you, keeps you sane, and keeps you out of jail to be honest. I don’t curse those who wronged me, I speak to my ancestors, my requests are usually; “Ancestors look deeply upon this situation.” and “Please direct and guide me toward the best measures for dealing with them.” I know I am human and therefore fallible and prone to taking things too personally. I remember my chaotic and dangerous life prior to devoting myself to practice and I have no urge to return to that life, I have no romantic inclinations toward the past and no regrets for leaving it all “in” the past. My practice is for justice, balance and ascension and not in that specific order, my goal is always growth and change which lead to ascension.
Mine has been an interesting journey, a painful one and that was largely due to my bad choices in coping mechanisms. Learning this about myself has led to a much more contented life, a much easier path. My biggest stumbling block was learning how to set boundaries, how to say ‘No’ and I’m happy to say, I finally stuck the landing. My time is my time, I work most days from 9ish in the morning to after 8 or 9 in the evening, I deserve my time and I respect other people’s time and don’t bother them with work related issues outside of work, or press them for details when they clearly don’t want to talk more on a subject, and I deserve the same respect. It was hard for me to stop trying to ‘save’ everyone that I loved, to step away and let them fall, I felt guilty, I was plagued by it, terrorized night and day over some of them, to the point of having night terrors and not sleeping. I’ve grown stronger and finally realized that what I was asking for in being allowed to forge my own path, was something I had to give others as well. Lately I’ve been stepping back a lot, observing, being there in case of catastrophe, but not interjecting, keeping my silence, my sanity and standing aside. It’s one of the hardest things a human can do, to just be present and not need to be anything, not need to be seen or heard, but I highly recommend it, because with it comes an opportunity for reflection and peace. Be there just by being there, not much else is needed and everyone will breathe easier if you just stop trying to fix the mess they’ve made, it’s not your job. Your job is you, your life, your thoughts, your goals, desires, your happiness. You are a spirit having a human experience, try to give them a grand tour.
Let people be who they are and if they’re not for you, let them go their own way and you go yours, it’s infantile and belies a lack of self-control when you assume the position of judge, jury and executioner and everyone around you sees it, but you. Put down the candle, the dagger, the poison and the pen and go outside and count your blessings that you no longer have to be in a relationship that causes you such angst and anger.
Yours in sanity,
Tay